i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
