i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
