I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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