My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
