i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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