My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
