fuck your aforementioned shoe
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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