I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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