We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
