i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
