The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
this is an emotional support booty call
Randomize
