woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
