i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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