At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
