My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
