I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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