Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
