We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
