Where is the hickey?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
