I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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