My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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