I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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