i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
