If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
