Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
