It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
