Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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