I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
