is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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