i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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