Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
