I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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