So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
