I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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