So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
