Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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