my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
