Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
