i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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