glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
