I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He? As in you personified your dick?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
