Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
