the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
