im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
