And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
