There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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