you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
