At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
