the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
