whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
my liver is dry heaving
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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