Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
