I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
