You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
