I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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