The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My bed smells like the plague
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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