not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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