you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
