Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i would punch a child for taco bell
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
