Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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