part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My ass is underappreciated
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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