maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize