Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
