Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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