I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
