Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
