went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I will pee on everything he values.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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