i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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