he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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