I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Randomize
