1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
