belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
