Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
