Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
