I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
