So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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