she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
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I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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