I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
