"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you would pick up someone in the library
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
