When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Pooping to opera.
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