obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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