woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
